IN-LAW RELATIONSHIPS
14 May, 2019 (Consolace Counselling Services)
Why are in-law relationships difficult?
Marriage is something which is both beautiful and scary at the same time. Though it brings with it new hopes and a million reasons to be happy, a woman cannot stop worrying about the new life and new family members awaiting her at her new home. As she steps into her new world after marriage, it is very likely for her to face difficulties in adapting to the entirely new atmosphere. One cannot simply expect their husband's home to be exactly like their own. In most of the cases, it becomes difficult for a woman to quickly mingle with the in-laws and adapt to their ways. Sometimes, this results in in-law conflicts.
Mother in-law is often the scariest part of marriage for a majority of women. I remember my friend telling me about her mother in-law. Initially, she found her mother in-law to be very sweet and friendly. But, as the days went by, her opinion about her started to change. She no more described her as sweet and friendly. Rather she now seemed to be scared and uncomfortable around her. Like my friend, there are many other married women who have the same things to say about their mother in-law. Some of them even become depressed and consider taking the extreme step of committing suicide to escape from such a life. Going by the experiences of many married women all across India, we can say that mothers in-law are indeed a bit difficult to handle. But why so?
Reasons for mother in-law issues:.jpg)
Difference in opinions due to generation gap:
Generation gap is a major factor why daughters in-law and mothers in-law don't get along well. They may differ on a variety of matters which affects their relationship. For example, a mother in-law would prefer to see her son's wife in traditional outfits. But, the daughter in-law might like to wear western outfits and when she does so, mother in-law may disapprove of it in her own ways. This creates tension in their relationship. Respecting each others’ likes and dislikes and adjusting accordingly is the only way you can deal with it.
Excessive love towards son:
What makes the best of best mothers in-laws appear to be devilish in the eyes of their daughter in-laws is the extreme love towards their sons. It is said that no one can love a man like his mother does. Most mothers feel that their sons are drifting away from them after marriage. This is why mothers in-law tend to develop a slight dislike towards their sons’ wives. Some express their dislike more openly and hence find ways to diminish the importance of wife in her son's life. This can be so extreme in some cases that it affects the mental health of daughter in-law.
Comparison between mom and wife:
Most men tend to draw comparison between their wife and mother. Last day itself, my friend told me what her husband said when she cooked for him for the first time. He said, “It is nowhere near my mom's food.” I remember, how badly his words hurt my friend. All she wanted was a little appreciation for her efforts but all she got in return was 'comparison’. Husbands should be very careful before making such remarks. This could further deteriorate the relationship between mother in-law and daughter in-law.
Mother in-law issues not just ruin the happiness of daughter in-law but the son is equally affected. Many a time, the man in the house find himself sandwiched between his mother and wife. He loses his calm and focus amidst the mother in-law- daughter in-law clash. Family matters should be dealt with delicacy, otherwise the family will get shattered. A man cannot afford to lose his wife or his mother. A wife cannot afford to live amidst hostile in-laws. A mother cannot afford to lose his son. No one would lose anyone if the mother-in-law makes an effort to see a daughter in her daughter in-law. And, of course the daughter in-law should make an effort to find a mother in her mother in-law. Things can be stopped from getting complicated by seeking right guidance on right time. Just when you think that you're losing everything and surrendering to depression, remember that Consolace counselling services in Trivandrum is here to make you win your life's battles. Don't let depression and marriage go hand in hand. Seek help before in-law issues eat up your married life.