28 December, 2018
They say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Initially, I had the same feeling when we found jobs in different corners of the world. Kerala (India) and Dubai did not feel so distant as I always believed that my love for Abhijith would always keep me closer to him. Days passed by and nothing changed between us. Though, we missed each other's company, we both were happy in this relationship. But when days changed to months and months turned into years, things did not actually work well between us. I felt as if we were drifting apart from each other. It is then when I realised that long distance relationship has its own struggles. Let me tell you about some of the major challenges of long distance relationships that I faced in my life.
It isn't always sunshine and roses…
● Communication gap: Communication is important for any relationship to survive. When two people are staying miles away from each other, it is understandable that they can't meet each other in person for a long period of time. One can find solace in phone calls. But, what if work keeps you too busy and you can't find time for regular phone calls? Yes, phone calls are then converted to messages. And one thing is for sure, messages might come with a load of emoticons in it, but you can't really feel any emotions from them. Your day begins with a 'Good morning’ text and ends with a 'Good night’. There is no communication taking place in between. This, I tell you is very painful in a relationship.
● Misinterpretation and miscommunication: Text messages are often misinterpreted. It is not necessary for the other person to read it in the same tone in which you've written it. Your partner may feel offended or hurt after reading a message which you intended to be funny. This has happened too many times with us and it takes a great deal of arguments, interpretations and tears to bring things back to normal. If you could meet the person, this could have ended in just a 'hug and a sorry’. But unfortunately, you don't have that luxury in long distance relationships.
● Possessiveness and jealousy: Distance brings a lot of problems in a relationship; of which, possessiveness and jealousy can be the real troublemakers. If your partner doesn't picks up your call or replies you late, you develop trust issues. It further turns into suspicion, anger and betrayal. You feel possessive and jealous when your partner spends time with his/her colleagues or friends. Basically, you don't really like it when your partner is offering his/her time to someone else when you're craving for it. This happens even if you stay under the same roof. But, it is a nightmare when it comes to long distance relationships.
So, Is There a Way Out?
After going through so much emotional pain and mental chaos in my long distance relationship, I decided that I couldn't let it end this way. Deep down both of us knew that we want to keep this relationship. This realisation is exactly what worked out for me and Abhijith. This is how I fixed my long distance relationship and how you can fix yours-
● Patience is the key: I've heard all my life that, ‘patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.’ It was time to implement it in my life. Everytime, I saw others spending quality time with their significant others, I said to myself, ‘Be patient! Your time will come.’ I stopped complaining to my partner which worked out in my favour. This made him realise that I deserve a bit more love and affection from him and he acted accordingly. Patience filled me with hope and kept our love alive.
● Reading the silence: It all depends on how you interpret someone's silence. Communication gap can be dealt easily in a relationship, if you learn to read your partner's silence. If he fails to contact you for days, it doesn't always mean he forgot about you and has now found something new to keep him engaged. Sometimes, it can happen if he is not feeling well or keeping busy with work. So, the point is we should understand the circumstances in which the other person is in before venting out our anger and frustration. Learning the art of reading the silence will help you deal with everything including what is said and unsaid. Try this, it really works!
● Love needs space: Never ever try to control your partner staying miles away from you. The suffocation it brings is many times greater when compared to same-city relationships. Before forcing yourself on your partner, it is better to respect the relation your partner shares with his/her family and friends. Your possessiveness and jealousy will only move you farther away from your partner.
Long-distance relationships are not easy but the way you handle it makes all the difference. Let the absence sharpen your love, and the presence will automatically strengthen it. To gain better clarity of thoughts and good control over your emotions, it is always good to talk to a counsellor.
Consolace Counselling Services in Trivandrum can be approached for any kind of counselling assistance. Don't let problems ruin the beauty of your life. Timely action can save you from the impending troubles. Just think about it!