My mother once asked me, 'What is happiness to you?' and I said, " Dear mom, happiness for me is seeing my own reflection in your eyes, resembling you!" My mother never expected this answer from a 10-year-old me and was elated to hear it. Parent-child relationship is the most beautiful relationship in the world and is of prime importance. 

Today, I was reminded of this decades old incident when I happened to meet Divya, a lovely girl in her twenties. As she spoke, I could sense that she loves her parents very much and is indeed very close to her mother. Divya, despite that, was struggling with the relationship with her parents. Let's see why! Following are some of the parent-child issues that she shared with me during our course of conversation.

● Tight parental control: "If I were a television, mom dad would have been my remote control.", said Divya on asking about her parents. Everything concerning her life, no matter how big or little, was decided by her parents. She had little or no freedom to make her own decisions, though she was 25.

● Parents fulfilling their own dreams through their children: On the day Divya was born, her parents decided her fate. Her mom proclaimed her daughter as the future IAS officer and is pushing her daughter in that direction till date. No one ever asked her what she wants to become. Her mom couldn't become an IAS officer and hence wants to live her dream through her daughter, being unaware of the fact that her daughter wants to be a musician.

● Completely dependent on parents: Divya was certainly craving for her own space when she said that she doesn't feel independent. She wanted to explore the outside world and see things through her own eyes. She wanted to build her own perception about things which unfortunately her parents failed to understand.

Divya never opened up about her feelings in front of her parents as she knew that her parents love her and she did not want to hurt them. But at the same time, she was struggling to break the cage and be free. She was fighting her own mental battles. 

Indian parents are often over protective and like to raise their kids under their wings. Unlike western parents, most Indian parents are scared to let their children do things on their own. What we do not understand is-

● Our children will grow up to become individuals with their own perspectives and thoughts which might/might not differ from ours.

● Our children do resemble us in all ways, but that doesn't mean that we need to make their imaginations and ideas to be the same as ours

● Have faith in your child's calibre and trust their instincts. They might make mistakes in the process. All you need to do is help them learn from their mistakes. 

● Give them their space. Authoritarian parenting style doesn't always work. Your love for your children shouldn't come in the way of their personal development. Remember, they will not stop loving you even if they move out of the house and become independent. Give them wings, do not tie them down!

Parents will not realize it but they do cause psychological problems in children. Here are a few psychological issues faced by Divya as a result of parenting behavior-

● Low self esteem: Though she wanted to step out of her comfort zone, she was scared as she lacked confidence. Her parents did everything for her to the extent that she never did anything on her own. 

● Stress and Anxiety: Divya was constantly silencing her thoughts of going against her parents' will. She wanted to be a musician but her parents wanted her to be a top bureaucrat. She did not want to hurt her parents and also hated the career that they chose for her. This made her stressed and anxious about her future.

● Guilty: She felt guilty for not reciprocating her parents' desires. She knew that her parents did everything for her hence, she couldn't simply deny doing what her parents wanted her to do. She was on a constant guilt trip which disturbed her mental health.

● Restless: Lack of freedom had made her restless and she desperately wanted to break free. She couldn't simply sit back and relax which in turn affected her sleep pattern and physical health.

 

● Talk to each other-  In order to maintain a healthy parent-child relationship, it is important to share your emotions and concerns with each other. If you won't communicate, you will never understand each other.

● Identify the emotional and behavioral changes: Parents often get too obsessed with parenting that they overlook the behavioral and emotional changes in children caused by their negative parenting style. 

● Talk to an expert:  It is important for both parents and children to keep a track on their mental health. As soon as you find it difficult to manage on your own, do not hesitate to reach out to a professional counselor. Seek immediate help as Divya did.