They say, 'Life begins at 50!' But, how many of us truly think it to be true? I'm sure not many of us, especially those who are actually in their fifties. Yesterday, I had a conversation with Mr. Suresh (name changed) who works at a reputed college. He is 52 years old, quite a friendly man. I wondered what might be the issue with this gentleman.
As he went on, I was introduced to the dark sides of being in one's fifties. When we look at someone like Mr. Suresh, our first instinct is, 'What in the world could upset a man like him?' He has everything; a beautiful family, talented children, a decent job and a good number of years to sit back and celebrate life. But his words gave it a different angle and I was bound to give it another thought. Let me share with you a few points that bothered Mr. Suresh to the point that he reached out to me.
What do you fear?
This was my very first question to him when he took his seat as he clearly looked upset and worried. Here is how he, answered it-
"It is my future that scares me", he said. Following are a few things that according to Mr. Suresh makes the future scary for an ordinary person in his early fifties.
● Loss of enthusiasm: Considering Kerala's scenario, a person mostly lands into a stable job in his early thirties. So was the case with Mr. Suresh. Hence, by the time reached 52, he lost his enthusiasm running after family and work.
● Kids' Future: The pressure of seeing his kids getting settled in life was always in his mind. He has two kids, a son aged 23 and a daughter aged 21. Since, both his kids were at a prime stage of their life, he was extremely worried about their career and marriage. He was mostly worried thinking that he hasn't much to offer to his kids in the coming years.
● Professional Stress: In a career spanning more than two decades, he experienced good career growth and is now serving at a responsible position which has increased his responsibilities and stress, both at the same time.
● Financial Insecurities: By the time one reaches his fifties, his financial needs also increase. The stress of not being able to save enough money was giving him sleepless nights. He said that he has failed to save enough for his family and has now only a few years of his professional life left to earn and save more. Also read https://www.consolace.com/article-retirement-blues
● Losing importance: Mr Suresh looked very angry and frustrated when he said, 'I've become a mere spectator.' His children are grown up and make their own decisions. He feels that his wife too, listens to their kids more than him which makes him feel as if he has lost his importance in the family.
● Less support from partner: As far as older adults are concerned, partner's support gradually drifts towards children. Mr. Suresh too talked about how he missed the love and attention from his wife. She was now more inclined towards kids. This too made him less enthusiastic and disinterested in life. This also affected his health.
● Loneliness: His eyes shrinked when he said, 'I fear to be left alone.' The very thought of loneliness can make old age terrifying for many people. Though he had a loving family at his side, he was worried thinking about being lonely in future.
● Early death/Sickness: He said, 'I get upset everytime I come to know of an accident or a sudden death.' Life has no guarantee and that is what scares the hell out of me, he said in a feeble voice. He was worried about his family's condition in his absence.
● Regret: People mostly undergo retrospection in their fifties and regret not living a life they had actually dreamt of living. Mr. Suresh was going through the same phase.
I patiently listened to him and said, 'Change is inevitable and fate is not in our control.' It is our choices that make the change beautiful or ugly. It is our will power that makes us unbeatable before anyone or anything. We know that life has got no rewind button.All we can do is accept and acknowledge the change that time brings with it. However, it is purely our choice to change positively or negatively with time. Sometimes, no matter how hard we want to see the positive aspects of life, we fail. It is at such times that we need someone to listen to our fears, worries and anxieties. It was such a time for Mr. Suresh and he chose me to listen to him and it was my duty to offer him the right guidance and support. Here are some tips that I gave Mr. Suresh to help him accept the situation and reduce his worries.
● Use your experience: It is said that life gives us experiences for personal development. Thus, it is with our experiences that we need to face life's problems.
● Engage in social activities, cultivate warm relationships: This will keep a person socially active and at the same time will keep you way too busy to feel lonely.
● Avoid being monotonous: Take a break and find time to do things that you regret not doing at an early age. Take up an interesting hobby, be creative, spend some time with loved ones. Most importantly, give yourself some time.
● Try innovative relaxation techniques: Make mindfulness and meditation a part of your daily routine. Simple deep breathing exercises could also keep the stress at bay to an extent.
● Exercise regularly: You might have heard that "Nothing happens until something moves." Movement is what keeps us going. Keep moving! Do simple exercises. Take short walks, go for a jog or join a yoga session. This can help you keep your physical as well as mental health in check. Death will come when it has to, we don't need to invite it early.
● Feel happy: If you wake up happy and go back to bed with a happy state of mind, you have achieved success. Nothing else matters and everything else would then fall in line.
Life is what we make it. Make it happening no matter at what age you're. Fight with your worries and accept your circumstances, no one can stop you from living your best life. Stay cheerful! For further assistance, reach out to Consolace Counselling Services, Trivandrum.
